I have been here before.
I’ve seen this before.
This circle, I’ve been walking on
Feels like the circle I was walking before
One day, while I was circling,
A sage came and sat underneath a tree nearby
Not close enough to get in my way
Yet close enough to be seen
His presence was confusing
I found his meditative stillness calming
Yet, all I had ever known was circling
All I had ever seen was circling
A life without circling was unimaginable
And yet, here was a being free of circling
And having seen him, I felt like a fish who had seen water (and air)
I could and certainly would keep swimming
But I could not unknow what I now knew
Louise Erdrich best said what I was feeling:
Something shatters like ice
And we fall into the river of our own existence
We are aware
What is this circle to me?
And I, to it now?
Once I thought circle was all
I thought circle was life
And so circling was ennobling
But it is certainly not so
And this knowledge hollows the edifice of meaning
It seems to have taken the hues out of life.
I feel like protoplasmic fluid inside a pupa
Whether I will emerge or reduce to nothing, only time will tell
And now I am the timeless sea,
And now I am become death-
The destroyer of worlds
And now I am become Vishnu lying in the heavenly abodes
And now I am become the opening of Shiva’s third eye
And now I am become the totality of all beings
In me awakens, all that was, and all there ever will be
And now I am nothing.